Work can be a pain sometimes. The paycheck at the end of the pay period is good, one has to pay the bills. But why does it have to be that way some days and some days it's great. The job I'm in now, it will be 10 years this October that I've been in that job. It's been one of the most frustrating jobs to learn I've ever had probably because of the variety of things one must know and remember--it's a church secretary job. I kind of fell into it accidently and somehow have managed to stay in it after all these years. Let's face it, EVERY JOB has it's frustrations and downfalls along with the rewarding part of it. But also one can get burn out.

I've been TRYING to get another job on and off, mostly on, for the last 3 years. A couple times I just got discouraged and didn't job hunt for awhile. I'm getting to the place where I can hardly stand to go to work at the church anymore although I do go and do my work. But I DON'T LIKE IT! I've thought of doing temporary and actually I did get accepted at Walmart but I just couldn't take it because I would be making ALOT less than I do at the church. Surprising I don't make too bad money at the church--the pastor believes in giving raises regularly to his employees. And I am in a position that we (my husband and I) aren't doing too bad financially, but I just wanted to end my career on a good note.


I do believe that my age of 56 has something to do with not finding a job. I've had 35 years, let me see, that's 56-18=38 - yes, that's 38 years of secretarial or administrative assistant or receptionist or customer service experience, whatever name you want to put on it. And all that experience doesn't seem to add up to much I guess. I have kept up on my computer and people skills so I don't know what else the problem could be. Although I have heard ALOT of people have also had this job finding problem and some are younger than I am.

The drawbacks at the church job are that I work with crappy equipment including an outdated computer, an OLD folding machine that works very inefficiently and it's a struggle to keep going and since they are renovating the church, they don't want to spend any money right now. So I wonder what they will do when the old computer gives out and the folding machine dies. Both my husband and the maintenance repair person at the church said that it should be junked although my husband was able to at least get the machine to a place where it runs anyway although it folds the paper alot.

The other drawbacks are that my co-worker, who's been at the church for about 35 years as a secretary much to her credit that she has seen ALOT through those years, but she's worn out physically and mentally. She's on so many medicines, that she's getting really forgetful and nobody seems to notice but me or maybe I'm the only one that is bugged by her recent lags in memory. I'm sure everybody else is pretty much snowed by her.

Also the pastor is worn out physically and mentally after being there for a couple months longer than I have. His memory is getting a little questionable.

Now I also have times where I forget things but they seem to forget that they are forgetting things also, I'm a part time employee and they are full time, so therefore have more responsibility than I do. I want to work full time but they won't let me saying they can't afford to. But they can't afford to let things slide like they have been.

They have recently been trying to hire an administrator for the church so that the pastor can go back to doing pastoral stuff like he is suppose to instead of administrative crap like he doesn't want to do. I'm hoping that the administrator is allowed to do his job without input from the co-worker or the pastor, lest they try to make things seem different than they are. I feel that I can be fair and honest about most things, and if asked, I will let the administrator know how things are.

The co-worker has, for whatever reason, tries to compete with me and has done that from day one. We are both about the same age, I'm 3 years older than her, I look younger than her even though we are both overweight although she's a lot shorter and it shows more. At the beginning of my job, she taught me a whole lot but also she's taught me that I need to watch out for her because she can be vindictive, nice only when she wants something or information, or just plain in a bad mood and be crabby. It's been a stuggle with her and I've mostly been the one that tried really hard to get along with her just to keep the peace. I finally learned to STOP trusting her with any information after I got out of the same office with her this past April, 2006 when we moved out of the area we were in. Now at least I don't have to put up with her moods because we are in separate offices. THAT IS HALF THE BATTLE! But she has learned to finally adapt to our new surroundings recently after a 4 month period in which she acted stunned and therefore stayed out of my hair and stopped making trouble. BUT SHE'S BA-A-A-ACK!! even at a distance of one floor. Also, she is TERRIBLY disorganized and her papers and junk have been causing problems in the office for years and now she's losing things. All the crap she's caused me through the years, has caused me to be just a little bitter towards her although now I don't take her crap, I more or less POLITELY throw it back in her face without appearing hard to get along with. She's been doing that for years! Guess I learned from a pro. She came from a big family and is used to fighting for a spot but for some reason she has felt threatened by me and I don't know why! WIERD! Anyway, she's a big part of the problem with the job. I've tried all these years not to let her get to me and I've had it! I don't need to put up with that!

No, but I'm still going to try to get out of that job. I put out 8 resumes this week and went down to a office supply store to apply for a customer service or even sales associate job. I've had all this experience with office supplies,why shouldn't I work with office supplies, paperclips, rulers,etc. etc. etc. We'll see if they see it my way. Probably not.

Needless to say, this has been a frustrating part of my life.

Also, I have had memory issues, some minor health issues,etc. and decided to have things checked out this year. We have health insurance but that doesn't cover like it did so I've had to pay in some after insurance pays but at least now I know that I don't have anything wrong with my brain, my colon, and other parts of me. So it all goes back to being overweight I guess. AND THAT IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A STRUGGLE! So I guess I'm happy I'm healty but still feel crappy. Such is life!

And my spiritual life is suffering because of my church job. I've missed a lot of Sundays not going to church. I don't know if they have noticed at work or not--probably not. We have 3 services to go to. I know God is there, helping me, but I'm so jaded by my work experience, that I JUST CAN't GET THERE! This Fall Choir will be starting up so I'll have to get to church plus we have a new director whom I've gotten acquainted with--she's very talented and should add alot to our choir. Even with all that, I can't get geared up for it. I'm tired of it.

My husband has been retired for 6 years and I have another 6 years to go to reach 62 where I can retire but make less money, actually not too much less than I make working but a lot less than if I wait until I'm 66 to get more social security. I do have an IRA and some savings but more money at retirement would be better. I would just LOVE to join my husband being retired before it's too late. He's 11 years older than I and although he's in good health, if I wait until I'm 66 to officially retire and get better Social Security, provided it's there yet, he'll be 77. He is diabetic and even though his parents made it into their 90's, he does have a health condition that they didn't have and he worked 2 jobs until he retired, so I think he's worn out.

Well I guess I've pissed and moaned enough and will quit. I don't know if I feel better but in a way it's nice to get it talked about.

Actually I do feel better.

I haven't been able to write in here since February 2006 - that's how busy I've been. I go to work, come home, eat, clean up and go to bed. What an exciting life, huh? I remember growing up and my mother and father both worked at day jobs. They would come home and do almost exactly what I'm doing now. And I thought they were old fuddy duddies. Now I am.

My mother was ahead of her time, she was working at a job outside the home when I was in grade school and I was a latchkey kid before it was popular. But we had all the material things we needed because my mom and dad worked hard to pay for them. And now that's what me and my husband do although now he's retired but he still farms a little.

Now my 19 year old is learning that he has to work to make money even if it isn't much at this time of his life. I told him when he graduates from college and becomes a diesel mechanic, he probably will make more money per hour. He just recently got a second part time job at $7.00 an hour minimum wage. I told him he has to start somewhere. My first part time job, I made $1.15 an hour in 1966. And now I make $11 an hour doing secretarial work at a church which isn't too bad for a church in a small town.

I just wonder how it'll be in a few years with the price of everything going up. When I met my present husband of 20 years, I had been divorced for about 7 years and it was hard at that time to raise my now 31 year old son on the money I made at the time. BUT I think it would be a hell of a lot harder to make it nowadays. Good thing I don't have to worry about it. But I DO worry about it. Because if something happened to my husband, God forbid, I would be in a bad place because I only work part time and my health insurance comes through my husband. And even though I've tried, I can't find a different full time job because I believe, even though it's not suppose to be, there is age discrimination out there BIG TIME. Can you imagine, such discrimination against the babyboomers. Not Fair! So supposedly at 56, I'm suppose to be washed up. I would LOVE to retire, but even with my husband's pension because he is retired, he being 11 years older than I am, he really would like to see me work a little longer and I guess I really would like to hang in there a little longer to build up my IRA more.

I wish I would have built up my IRA more when I was younger. It's a good thing that I have social security built up but who knows if it will be there for me.

For all you 20, 30 and 40 year olds out there. If you don't have an IRA for your retirement, GET IT GOING NOW! Before you know it, you will be my age and now is the time to prepare financially. It snuck up on me and although I have a backup, my husband, and I have an IRA and savings, I'm afraid it might not be enough especially if the social security runs out which they say it might by 2025 when I will be 75 years old.

This year in April, I will turn 56 years old. And HOW do I feel? Old. That's what I keep hearing from the media, restaurants, etc. etc. etc. But since a big portion of the population are babyboomers, why is there this prejudice? Sure one does slow down somewhat and it is harder somedays to remember things, but does that mean we are suppose to quit living? I just don't get it. It is really very depressing to be in this place and I know many people in my age group HAVE to be feeling this bazarre and wierd prejudice.

But now at age 56, with all my experience, I can't find a job in my field because I am too old!!!!? How ironic! As I said, I am turning 56 in April and I am not ready to hang it up workwise but would like to change my present job I've been at for almost 10 years. My husband, who is 11 years older than I, retired when he was 60 and instead of saying, "honey you should retire with me," he says that I should "keep working to build up my retirement." Since we've been married 20 years, I quit working full time 17 years ago and decided to work part time while the youngest was growing up and that was fine except for my husband. He didn't understand that I felt I needed to stay home with the youngest part of the time just to be with the son. But now, of course, there are people my age who have grandchildren and even stay home to take care of the grandchildren, even full time. Our youngest son is 19 and in college and because this is a second marriage for both me and my husband, we have children in their 30's who show no interest in getting married and having children although my stepdaughter is planning on getting married in 2007 so maybe in the future.

I guess at this time in my life, I really don't want to start over in any NEW career because I don't have the energy or time to do that. But I feel that I am screwed because of some strange force out there that says we are too old at age 55. Even the restaurants say it. If you are age 55 and over, you need to pay less and eat less because you are too old to do anything else.

This age thing bugs me BIG TIME! So what is a person to do? Well I decided that I should lose some weight and work out doing weight resistance exercise and aerobics which is what I am trying to do. I've had a couple health scares which turned out to be nothing.

But there are alot of YOUNG people doing this at the gym I go to with occasional people my age. The other day I walked on the treadmill just like the younger people and I felt like an ancient grandmother and I am not even a grandmother. But I am not going to give it up. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I AM OLD! I feel like I did when I was 18 or 30 or 40 but with more aches, pains, and supposedly more wisdom. But do I have more wisdom? I just know as I get older that the more I know, the more I know I DON'T know.

My 19 year old son is very sure of himself and thinks he knows everything! Actually he thinks he knows more than his dad and I do. His dad and I just laugh when he's not there because the son is going to find out how hard things are going to get especially as he gets older and finds out alot of things. I think for younger people nowadays, it is getting harder and life is getting more unfair than ever. There are alot of successful people out there in their 20's, 30's and 40's who are doing well but there are also plenty who AREN'T doing so well and have to work their butts off. My 19 year old hasn't really gotten a job yet although he did mow lawns in the summer and was involved in the school band until he graduated. I thought he should get a job at 16 but my husband, who was farming, thought the boy should help him and so that boy hasn't gotten a job. Now it is kind of late and he is having a hard time finding a job -- I think he should have started at age 16 trying to find a job. He also thinks that he doesn't have to try for more than 1 job at a time. So he really isn't trying very hard. Now he is starting to run out of money after finally getting a car to work (he's going to school to be mechanic) and will have to pay insurance and gas now that the car is in his name. Now it is his problem but I don't see him hitting the pavement trying to find a job. He just doesn't get it. I was working and paying for my insurance when I was 16 so why can't he? He'll learn or sink. My husband is even telling the kid that he should find a job to start paying for his own stuff. So the kid lately started trying to job hunt a little harder. This kid is not highly motivated. I KNEW when I turned 16 that I had to work to earn some of my own money. The boy doesn't get that.

But now I don't have to take care of the boy anymore. He is basically on his own even if he lives with us. That is okay for now. I like not having to be responsible for deciding what he should do. When my husband retired 5 years ago, he started taking over some of the responsibilities that I have been shouldering all these years with the boy. My husband wouldn't have been able to do that when he worked because he can only do one thing at a time although he would be really upset if he heard me say that. And since he knows absolutely NOTHING about computers, he won't ever read my blog. I multitasked with my 30 yeaR old son long before it was popular to multitask.

My present job at a church as a secretary, is one that I would like to unload. I feel really unappreciated mostly and after 9 1/2 years, it is time to move on. Because we have a renovation beginning in April, 2006, we have to move to a different location. What a pain! I was hoping to get out of there by then but no such luck because nobody else will hire me. Although I did have someone tell me that it was not in my favor to have worked at the church for employment at another company. Churches are by far the busiest places--I know because I have worked in the business world for a long time. Churches are a business and many people, despite a downward turn of membershipin mainstream churches, many people end up coming back because of deaths, births, etc.

But I wasn't thinking ahead I guess. Retirement seems faroff but now that my husband is retired, it doesn't seem that far off. I have my own IRA, social security, etc. but not built up enough. I do have some inheritance and my husband also has inheritance to which I am not really entitled entirely, so I can't depend on either of those choices. But even then I still need to work. Besides even if I was at home, I think me and my husband would drive each other nuts if we were both at home and I would have to find other interests anyway. So much for "happily ever after" and "spending the rest of our lives together."

As one ages, which as a baby boomer, I didn't think I would, here I am at age 55 and I don't feel any different than I did when I was 20 except that I have a few more aches and pains and I have gained a little wisdom and pounds. My biggest words of wisdom are that the more I know, the more I know I don't know and that is the truth. I also am not so eager to jump into things because I now know what I can and can't do. The other side of the coin is that now I don't want to try anything new anymore because I don't care; well that might not be true. I joined a fitness center in the last couple years and I never did that before.

When my mom and dad were in their 50's, they went to work and came home and watched TV; they were too tired in the evenings after working all day to do anything else after supper. THAT I can relate to. I use all my energy to get up, go to the job, come home and cook supper and then relax either by watching TV or get on the computer. I am usually too tired to do anything else. When I work out at the gym, I either have to do it on the way home from work or it doesn't happen. This past week, I have been too tired to even work out so I come home, make supper and watch TV. I think I might be fighting some bug off. Actually, I enjoy television--I always have back to the 50's when we first got a television set. There is nothing better after a day of crap at the office then sitting in front of the TV and watch something I like and zone out, thinking about nothing. It's great. Also when one has to be gone which happens occasionally, I tape my favorite shows and watch them later at my convenience. The advantage to that is speeding through the commercials. One of these days I am going to get cable or satellite TV, so I have several channels to choose from. Sometimes the broadcast TV is not the Best. The public television station is GREAT and I watch that when there are topics I find interesting such as nature or oldies like Lawrence Welk. Yes, I admit it...I LIKE WATCHING THE OLD LAWRENCE WELK SHOWS ON public television and ballroom dancing plus the ice skating competitions and shows on broadcast TV.

My first full time job as an 18 year old in 1968 was at a computer company, where the first computer originated--Univac. So I learned all about computers and even had my first PC and inter company email in the 80's. But to the dismay of many, the mainframe was passed by with the new personal PC, and unfortunately, it wasn't invented soon enough by Univac or Sperry, so then I got out before things got real bad in that company as they started laying off.

After I left there, I learned about computers working in a church office in a small town and discovered Microsoft Windows. And I have been learning about computers ever since even in my own home. That brings me to why some older people are afraid of the computer? It is totally entertaining with internet, email, etc. although it doesn't replace TV but it's good. I think alot of people my age have dug their heels and learned the computer but alot of people haven't and are afraid to. My hushand, who is 11 years older than I am, won't touch the computer even though his children gave him a laptop for his 65th birthday. He pecks on it once in a while but he kind of hoards it. I offered to show him how to do things on it but alas, he is stubborn. He also can't program the VCR or update digital clocks because he refuses to try but he can fix any car, tractor or anything that moves--he is very gifted that way.

I know of people older than he is, in their 70's who learned how to run the computer and to operate functions on it. I am amazed with that. Even at the tender age of 55, I find myself getting frustrated with the new fangled things such as ipods, DVDs, and all the music that can be downloaded off the computer unto the ipod. And also digital cameras where pictures can be downloaded unto the computer or printed. I don't know when or if I can learn these newer things. I just know that I am glad I learned the computer because it is staying and changing our lives whether we like it or not and we might as well accept it.

I possibly might have 30 years left before I leave this earth and I have to keep up with things, or I'll die a slow, uninformed death of not knowing what's going on. So I have tried to keep up. My 19 year old son has an ipod and downloads music plus he talks to his friends through the instant messaging on his computer. I don't have a need for an ipod right now or instant messaging. I still use my cassette player/AM/FM radio when I work out. I don't know many people my age that do instant messaging or who hang on the computer for hours like the kids today. There I said it--LIKE THE KIDS TODAY! I remember when my dad use to complain about my rock and roll music, the Beatles, etc. but he died before he heard the crap they play today. See I sound just like him. And I can't understand the words on the music the young people listen to and I remember when my dad used to say he couldn't understand the words on my music which was mild compared to music nowadays. BUT I will have to say that I do enjoy an occasional newer song played today and even watch the Music award shows to watch some newer entertainers and keep up on the latest fads which are wild.

The greatest newer invention is the cell phone. I would have LOVED the cell phone as a kid but I really enjoy it now. Actually I can't live without it. I can even play games on it which I do occasionally. I don't have to stop and find a phone booth and try to find change to put in the public phone. Now I can just dial up in the privacy of my car. When you have had to find a phone to call somebody for whatever reason, it is a pain and after years of that, the cell phone is a welcome relief. Yes I am one of those who drives and talks on the cell phone BUT I am very careful when I talk while I'm driving and I don't start talking when there's a lot of traffic. YES I PLAY GAMES ON THE COMPUTER and on the cell phone. I don't like to admit that to many people. My mother would have loved the cell phone in her day but at 83 with alzeimers. there's no way she could ever understand it. She would have maybe also liked the computer in her younger days but now she would just break it. Now she is in a nursing home where at least she is safe until her last breath.

Yes there are good and bad things about the new technological age we live in but I guess I like most of it, even at my age.

I tried so hard to make it through the holidays without going off my diet. I made it through the parties, the Christmas Eve get together with family and Christmas Day. At those activities, I ate some things and was very careful BUT I did not eat sweets or junk food. It is very hard to guage how much one is eating at these functions. BUT on the day AFTER Christmas I decided to start eating the leftover cookies, chocolate, etc. Trust me to make it through the hard part and cave in when there is no pressure from other people, just myself. So I decided to eat my sweets for a few days and then get back on. I managed for 3 months to stick with it so why couldn't I just get back on it? That is the hard part. It takes approximately 21 to 30 days to get refined sugar out of one's system. So with that I will have to start over. I wasn't losing really fast anyway, only 1/2 to 3/4 of a pound a week. I used to lose faster than that when I was younger but one's metabolism slows down as we get older. I also joined the YMCA a month ago which sure helped me to feel better, working out daily. So altogether, in 3 months, I've lost 13 1/2 pounds--not a record lost but at least it's something. But I think I need to scale back my eating somewhat--not starving oneself but I could cut back a little and maybe the weight would come off easier. Let's face it--it is easier to stay with it when one is losing weight at a faster rate. Obviously, losing too fast isn't healthy but at the same time, having extra weight on one's frame isn't healthy either. So on to a NEW YEAR!