I have been moving right along with my weight loss program which I started 12 weeks ago. Three weeks ago, I joined YMCA and have started working out. It is just great! I do 4-5 times a week, cardio. And I do muscle resistance about 2 times aweek. So since I have only been losing approximately 1 lb. a week, this should help to speed up the process.

Even though I have only lost about 11 lbs in that 12 weeks, it has been great and I feel great especially now that I have joined a gym. So can you imagine how I will feel when I lose 110 lbs? I look forward to it. I am more motivated than I have been in YEARS. Which doesn't mean that I am not tempted--I have been plenty of times. I made it though 2 Christmas parties that didn't have much on the table except sweets. But this Friday night is an employee party and I will have more control because I can bring what I want and I will bring veggies and dip and fill up on them. GREAT! I have to stay away from the sweets entirely, hopefully for the rest of my life taking a day at a time.

One thing that bugs me is that people who try to sabotage my efforts, consciously or unconsciously. It's trying, that's for sure. That happened this week and I managed to work around that which was frustrating. They just don't understand what a problem it is just because they don't have trouble with that problem.

My co-worker for instance: she is VERY overweight, probably more than I am. She has been good lately but sometimes she would put stuff around so I could see them but I never ate them.

**Right now, I am listening to Trans-Siberian Orchestra playing Christmas Eve, Sarajavo. I just love that!**

Anyway, back to weight, I am truly grateful andssed that I can stay with my program for the last 3 months. BUT I have ALOT more weight to lose.

Well, time to get to sleep. Bye!

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

This month is moving right along. I have heard Christmas Music on the radio already, although the radio station I heard was just testing it until they actually put it on for the holidays in the next few weeks.

I feel really good because I feel I am doing well on my weight loss program. I only weigh once a month because I get obsessed about it so weighing infrequently works better for me although I do occasionally think about my weight and where it's at. But I FEEL REALLY GOOD about myself and also healthwise. Can you imagine how I will feel when I am near a normal weight?

I wish I could get my 30 year old son to get on a weight loss program but he is 30 years old so he has to decide for himself when or if he wants to lose a significant amount of weight. He needs to lose close to 200 lbs and since his father had a heart attack at age 32, my son needs to pay attention. But as we all know, a person cannot lose weight unless they are motivated to do so on their own. So there is no use in me saying ANYTHING to him except about what I am doing. And he has seen me lose and gain many times before so I am not a good role model even though I feel I am highly motivated THIS time. So time will tell and when I get to that point by showing him what I have done with my own weight loss program, I cannot say much to him. I am in a very early place in my progress of my weight loss efforts. And there is constant temptation out there. This time of year, particularly during the holidays, is hell for someone trying to stay on a weight loss program although it can be done. The last time I lost a significant amount of weight in 1991, I went through the holidays without overeating or going off my program. So I hope to do that this year also God willing.

Since I feel that God, or my higher power as is mentioned in the anonymous program, will help me when I ask for it, I will need to remember to turn to him which I forget to do. I think this latest weight loss program is a miracle in itself that I could get this far with it. I have been on this for 7 weeks now and that is the longest I have stayed with something in years.

I want to talk about this because it is forever on my mind. When will it ever end? Never until I do something about it. I have been up and down all my life, tried all the weight loss programs and have given up in the last few years. Of course then I gained all kinds of weight.

Now at age 55, I have weight-related health issues and I REALLY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! I have been getting away with carrying too much weight health-wise and now it's catching up. So 6 weeks ago, I did decide to commit myself to a new weightloss program. I gave up all sweets, junk food, eating in between meals, etc. and even though I've only lost 8 1/2 pounds, I feel a whole lot better. I am really committed to this new lifestyle and that is the secret to it--adopting a new way of eating and staying with it forever. This is something I have known all my life since I've been trying to manage my weight since I was about 10 years old, when I first figured out I was overweight and I was probably only about 10-15 pounds overweight. Now I am 120 pounds overweight minus the 8 1/2 pounds I just lost.

About 1979, I first joined Overeaters Anonymous and learned a whole lot about the anonymous programs as such. In 1991, I lost a whole lot of weight on that. Then the OA group in my town dispersed and I had to go quite a distance to go to a group. And I was starting to get tired of it all. So I quit and I went back to my old habits I grew up with. The weight all came back plus some. I also tried Weight Watchers, which is a good program but I don't like the weekly weighins and talking about it infront a bunch of people. Plus all they did was talk about food and encouraged eating low point food no matter how sweet it was. When I start eating sugar, I don't quit. That is where my problem lies. So with my newest eating program, I combined what I learned at Weight Watchers and Overeater's Anonymous and kind of formed my own program that fit me. Plus I started reading Dr. Phil's book on weight loss and it has been helpful so far if I can find time to keep reading He says that after starting the new program gung ho, it wears off and then we have to deal with maintaining the momentum to keep losing weight. All these programs are good but it's a matter of being comfortable and committed. I had to want to lose weight MORE than I wanted to overeat. For me to get to that point, I had to be hurting. Also, there are things that I have learned through life so far that I finally can apply to my program--life for instance, learning from my mistakes. I don't learn from my mistakes very well. How many times have I gone off my program for a special occasion like Thanksgiving or Christmas or a holiday or a birthday, etc. etc. etc. In the last year, my excuse for going off was because it was the last day or first day of the week. And I REALLY DON'T NEED to eat! My mind says I need it but I really don't. A good test will be Thanksgiving this year.

In all the diets of my life, I go off the diet and then I can't get back on. I am better off staying away from it. At age 55, middle age, I really need to think how I want to end up--in a wheel chair not being able to get up because of back and knee problems which I also have which will probably get better if I lose 110 pounds.

I am so sick and tired of being fat!! I want to buy clothes in the regular women's section, not the plus sizes. And I'm tired of clothes looking like hell on me. Plus being tired all the time with no ambition is an issue. People who have this overeating problem know exactly what I am talking about. People who don't have weight or overeating problems can't relate. My son for instance. He is tall and lean--not a bit of fat on him and he is very aware at age 18, that he needs to make sure he doesn't get fat. And he doesn't understand my overeating. All he says is just stop eating. Yeah right!

Then there are those people, like my sister or other people, men and women, who I have worked with who are thin but it doesn't bother them that I overeat because they themselves have an eating probem but have kept it under control by exercising.

That is another thing I need to do regularly--exercise! I think that's why I didn't lose more last month. I think I need to exercise more. Three years ago I joined an exercise gym for the first time in my whole life. It was great! I loved it. Then I had to have knee replacement surgery about 2 years ago and after I was done with physical therapy, I decided to give up exercising temporarily. So I never went back. Now that I have to have a different kind of surgery, I can't exercise until the surgery is done and healed. But what is stopping me from exercising on my own until the surgery. I do have an exercise book, I have country roads to walk on, I have exercise tapes. There is no excuse to NOT EXERCISE! So today I started by walking the dog. Tomorrow I will get on the stationary bike and exercise and just try to do something everyday. But my favorite is the exercise club which I will do later.

Just talking about this makes my acid reflux act up so I better quit for now.

September 28, 2005, 8:49pm - This is kind of exciting and stupid at the same time, this blog thing. But it is my kind of thing since I like to journal and let my feelings be known, although I'm not sure how many people that I want to broadcast my "feelings" to but since it is confidential, and nobody really cares what I think, that's okay.

This entry will be short since I decided on a spur of the moment to enter the blog world so I will try to think of something intelligent......yeah right.

It seems with the way the world is going, so to speak, that one wonders where this is all going. One could think of it as the fundamentalists do in the way that this is the end of the world and we should get ready. But since nobody really KNOWS when the end of the world is except God, we should probably live everyday like its the last day anyway and always be ready.

But really, what do we know about what happened years ago when there was no TV, no computer, no telephone, etc. And I have always had the TV and radio around as long as I remember and I am 55. Sure we have the history books, old newspapers, etc. but do we REALLY know if the weather was not like this, say 100 years ago. Most people that are alive in the year 2005 haven't lived before 1900 except those few that are 105 years old or more and there may be more of them than there use to be way back when.

There's a lot of talk about hurricanes and the GREENHOUSE EFFECT thing happening to our earth which might be causing the bad weather problems we have been having the last few years. I don't know if I really believe it about the global warming of the earth or not--I live in the upper 5 state area where we have had cold winters and it is still cold in the winter. We have had some warmer winters the last few years, but last year was certainly like one of those cold winters I remember as a child. So how do we know that this warming didn't happen, say in 1850? I am no scientist so I really don't know for sure if there is global warming but in a way, it doesn't seem logical to me.

There are alot of "trends" and "buzz words or phrases" these days, and one of those "phrases" are GLOBAL WARMING. And when they come up with these things, later they come up with that it's not true. Like when I was growing up, kids were "seen but not heard." Nowadays, that phrase is kind of obsolete. Children are allowed to speak up under certain circumstances which is okay most of the time. But for the most part, children are innocent and don't really know what to think about world situations which they hear about all the time on the radio, TV, and computers. Most of the time, just like when I was growing up, young children tend to take on the opinion of their parents.

When I was about 9 or 10, the John Kennedy and Richard Nixon campaigns were happening, and my non-Catholic, republican friends would say that their parents didn't want Kennedy to win because he'd make us all turn Catholic. How dumb is that for parents to say that in front of their kids when it wasn't true? My own democratic Catholic parents said that Nixon was a crook and they wouldn't vote for him. And I guess Nixon was a crook with Watergate and all. He started the distrust that many of us have in our elected officials (politicians) these days. Then me and my friends would go and play hide and seek or baseball in the neighborhood--we didn't really understand or care about world happenings. I think we knew that we would be protected by our parents which is true for the most part these days. I guess children in general pretty much follow the ideas and prejudices of their parents and loved ones. But inspite of all the things children know, they are still innocent

Also, these days we have alot to be afraid of because of 9/11 and terrorists. I remember being frightened as a child when Khruschev was head of the Communistic Soviet Union, and seeing him shake his fist at us on TV saying he will bury us. Plus we had to be ready and know where FALLOUT SHELTERS were so in case we were bombed on and the AIR RAID sirens went off, we would be ready. So terrorism is not new but just a little more frightening although Hitler's army surely were not nice people--VERY SCARRY. I don't know if life is more scarry these days or not. The neighborhood I grew up in--we didn't even lock our house and now we lock our car if we go in the grocery store or even into church on Sunday. And we certainly know the minute something happens no matter where it is in the world and that is different from when I was a child. We did hear things but not as fast as we do now. I think life is just as scarry and perplexing as it was when I was 5 years old and afraid of many things, even though the world was supposed to be better then. In some ways the world is better now and if I think of it, I'll go into that another time.

Well, I guess it's time to get off. Until next time, bye-bye!