I want to talk about this because it is forever on my mind. When will it ever end? Never until I do something about it. I have been up and down all my life, tried all the weight loss programs and have given up in the last few years. Of course then I gained all kinds of weight.

Now at age 55, I have weight-related health issues and I REALLY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! I have been getting away with carrying too much weight health-wise and now it's catching up. So 6 weeks ago, I did decide to commit myself to a new weightloss program. I gave up all sweets, junk food, eating in between meals, etc. and even though I've only lost 8 1/2 pounds, I feel a whole lot better. I am really committed to this new lifestyle and that is the secret to it--adopting a new way of eating and staying with it forever. This is something I have known all my life since I've been trying to manage my weight since I was about 10 years old, when I first figured out I was overweight and I was probably only about 10-15 pounds overweight. Now I am 120 pounds overweight minus the 8 1/2 pounds I just lost.

About 1979, I first joined Overeaters Anonymous and learned a whole lot about the anonymous programs as such. In 1991, I lost a whole lot of weight on that. Then the OA group in my town dispersed and I had to go quite a distance to go to a group. And I was starting to get tired of it all. So I quit and I went back to my old habits I grew up with. The weight all came back plus some. I also tried Weight Watchers, which is a good program but I don't like the weekly weighins and talking about it infront a bunch of people. Plus all they did was talk about food and encouraged eating low point food no matter how sweet it was. When I start eating sugar, I don't quit. That is where my problem lies. So with my newest eating program, I combined what I learned at Weight Watchers and Overeater's Anonymous and kind of formed my own program that fit me. Plus I started reading Dr. Phil's book on weight loss and it has been helpful so far if I can find time to keep reading He says that after starting the new program gung ho, it wears off and then we have to deal with maintaining the momentum to keep losing weight. All these programs are good but it's a matter of being comfortable and committed. I had to want to lose weight MORE than I wanted to overeat. For me to get to that point, I had to be hurting. Also, there are things that I have learned through life so far that I finally can apply to my program--life for instance, learning from my mistakes. I don't learn from my mistakes very well. How many times have I gone off my program for a special occasion like Thanksgiving or Christmas or a holiday or a birthday, etc. etc. etc. In the last year, my excuse for going off was because it was the last day or first day of the week. And I REALLY DON'T NEED to eat! My mind says I need it but I really don't. A good test will be Thanksgiving this year.

In all the diets of my life, I go off the diet and then I can't get back on. I am better off staying away from it. At age 55, middle age, I really need to think how I want to end up--in a wheel chair not being able to get up because of back and knee problems which I also have which will probably get better if I lose 110 pounds.

I am so sick and tired of being fat!! I want to buy clothes in the regular women's section, not the plus sizes. And I'm tired of clothes looking like hell on me. Plus being tired all the time with no ambition is an issue. People who have this overeating problem know exactly what I am talking about. People who don't have weight or overeating problems can't relate. My son for instance. He is tall and lean--not a bit of fat on him and he is very aware at age 18, that he needs to make sure he doesn't get fat. And he doesn't understand my overeating. All he says is just stop eating. Yeah right!

Then there are those people, like my sister or other people, men and women, who I have worked with who are thin but it doesn't bother them that I overeat because they themselves have an eating probem but have kept it under control by exercising.

That is another thing I need to do regularly--exercise! I think that's why I didn't lose more last month. I think I need to exercise more. Three years ago I joined an exercise gym for the first time in my whole life. It was great! I loved it. Then I had to have knee replacement surgery about 2 years ago and after I was done with physical therapy, I decided to give up exercising temporarily. So I never went back. Now that I have to have a different kind of surgery, I can't exercise until the surgery is done and healed. But what is stopping me from exercising on my own until the surgery. I do have an exercise book, I have country roads to walk on, I have exercise tapes. There is no excuse to NOT EXERCISE! So today I started by walking the dog. Tomorrow I will get on the stationary bike and exercise and just try to do something everyday. But my favorite is the exercise club which I will do later.

Just talking about this makes my acid reflux act up so I better quit for now.